Breaking…
By Jeffrey Willius –
One Man’s Venting
THE
WHITE HOUSE – In a hastily-called press conference this morning,
president Donald Trump declared that, in a major deal he’s struck with
world leaders, there is now world peace.
Notably, with
the exception of this reporter, journalists from mainstream, objective
news sources were barred from the session, left to watch though
binoculars for any signs of activity visible through the West Wing's
windows from a barricaded area across the street in Lafayette Square.
Despite
only reporters approved by the president being allowed into the press
briefing room—and those asking only questions scripted by
the White House to help simulate for Trump a much- coveted position on
the world stage—it did not take long for that manipulation to backfire
on him.
For the first question, president Trump called on Harold Ingvetz, former chief of the Little Rock bureau of the
National Jingoist Journal.
“Mr. President, you’ve accomplished something world leaders have
struggled with for centuries. What will this new era of peace look like
to the average red-blooded, patriotic American?”
"These guys...that Angelica Markle of Belgium—
she's one overrated leader—they don't have to tell
me what world peace is."
Trump
replied, “Let me be crystal clear, folks. This will be a tremendous
peace...like...Russia’s great leader, Putin...what he was able to bring
into Trimea…the place was hemorrhaging unpeace. Then he comes to the
table and, wow, let’s just say everyone knows where they stand. No, this
is a total, very big, terrific peace.”
Another
reporter asked, “How will the peace be enforced?” The president, turning
to wink at Michael Flynn, his national security advisor, standing just
behind him, replied, “Look, I have over 21 billion followers on Twitter.
These war people—the Arabs, the Burning Bush down in Honduras, the
Bengazis—they’re big followers…huge followers!”
Trump
continued, “Hey, the good guys...my friend Nathan Yahoo in Israel…and
besides…they love me. They all know…they don’t come to the table…that’s
it…it’s history…big time.”
When
asked how he’d managed to conduct so many one-on-one peace negotiations
with world leaders in just his first few days in office, the president
was dismissive. “I’ll do those meetings when I need them. I don't have
to be told—you know, I'm, like, a smart person," Trump said. “These
guys…that Angelica Markle of Belgium—she’s one overrated leader...sad—they don’t
have to tell me what world peace is. I don't need that.”
Fox
News’s Shamus Bias asked Trump, “What will you do with units of the
Armed Forces now stationed in war zones and potential flash points
around the world—I guess we should call them
peace points—now that those personnel won’t be needed any more?”
The president responded, “We’re totally going for that
America First
thing. Let me tell you, there’s a lot better things those men in our
terrific Armies could be doing…like fighting Mexican and Arab terrorists
trying to get into this great country...and, you know, the rapists.
Like clearing those liberal bleeding hearts out of our national parks so
we can give those…a disaster, really so overrated…to someone who really
loves them—the oilers and the miners…I love oilers and miners.”
Sir, that's not the peace sign!"
Then,
in what proved a turning point in the press conference, Bias asked for a
follow-up question. “Sir, with all due respect, what do the National
Parks have to do with world peace? And besides, don’t those public lands
actually belong to the public?”
At that point, White
House Press Secretary Sean Spicer abruptly stepped up to the podium and
whispered something in the president’s ear. Trump, his face suddenly
flushed, shook his finger at Bias and blurted, "That
question...you...are a fake questioner!" Seeming to gain his composure,
the president added, “This has been a terrifically open, comprehensive
press conference…a huge success.” Then Trump, followed by Spicer, Flynn
and the rest of his retinue, simply turned and walked out of the room.
Trump’s
surprise exit, just five minutes into the press conference, puzzled
even this friendly crowd. Anson Lipschitz of the weapons industry
journal,
Bang! called it “cryptic…so comprehensive...and yet so concise.”
At
the door, Trump turned back toward the reporters, raised the back of
his right hand in a fist, smiled triumphantly and extended his middle
finger. One journalist, insisting his observation be shared off the
record, later told this reporter that he overheard Spicer whisper loudly
toward the president, “Sir, that’s not the peace sign!”