FEET TO THE FIRE – A Trump-Tells-All Fantasy

The great thing about fantasy is that it doesn’t have to be realistic. If it were, one wouldn’t have to dream about it; one could act on it.

Here’s a fantasy about the most incompetent, most divisive, most deceitful, hateful president the USA has ever had to endure. Someone’s got to hold this pathological liar’s plump little feet to the fire. But that’s not going to happen… at least not in the real world. But it can and it does in my fantasy.

LAY OF THE LAND
Donald Trump was born and raised to “win” at all costs. He has succeeded—as long as you define success as the illusion of wealth, and never, ever, having to be responsible for your words or actions. The man has achieved nothing without cheating, lying or suing. He’s an absolute master of every tool in the irresponsibility toolbox: obfuscation, scapegoating, denial…even temper tantrums.

So picture this: a trial of Trump; the charges: multiple amoral, unethical and criminal acts—from adultery to bribery, swindle to treason. The judges, both a trusted panel and (admittedly something that might only happen in a fantasy) the entire population of planet earth—anyone, that is, with access to the Internet or cell phone service.

First off, all those people who normally shield Trump from responsibility—spokespersons, lawyers, Secret Service, and all those political apologists—are given a much needed vacation. Then he’s arrested and brought by force into a huge bomb-proof vault, where seats are neatly arranged to accommodate a large audience. (There’s no COVID 19 in this fantasy.)

     It becomes the most widely-viewed event
     in history, surpassing World Cup soccer, 
     coronations and even 9/11.

The defendant’s strapped into a hard, straight-back chair at the front of the room, his shoes and socks removed, and electrodes taped to of the soles of his feet.

Then the reporters come in. There are hundreds, from every corner of the world. From legitimate, even-handed news organizations like Reuters and NPR, as well as a few from Trump’s virtually state-run media outlets like Fox News, the National Inquirer and Breitbart.

The person grilling the pretend president is not Lester Holt, Judy Woodruff, nor even a reincarnated Walter Cronkite. It’s the brilliant, acerbic comedian and former talk-show host, Jon Stewart.

On the table just in front of Stewart sits a small black console topped with a big red button.

The event is broadcast live, worldwide, on radio, TV and every imaginable streaming outlet. It is extremely well publicized; it becomes the most widely-viewed event in history, surpassing World Cup soccer, coronations and even 9/11. Everyone, anywhere with access to any media is watching or at least listening. Viewers are asked to call, text or enter their verdicts online—free of charge. Guilty or not guilty.

There are no talking heads commenting on or interpreting the proceedings; Stewart’s questions and Trump’s answers are left to speak for themselves.

       Flecks of spittle fly from his kissy-lips
       mouth and settle on the polished table
       in bubbly little spots.

A panel of nine journalists, again representing the gamut of political persuasions, is there to consider and rule on the veracity of Trump’s answers. All have taken a sworn oath to prepare, not by parroting rumors or unsubstantiated claims to feed ratings, but by delving deeply into both the witness’s tweeted and recorded comments and publicly available records. They’ve also interviewed hundreds of people who have actually known and interacted with the defendant at various stages of his life.

(This background work has been carried out in secret, denying Trump and his people—and the reporters' own employers—any opportunity to influence, intimidate or buy them off.)

Working with the journalists panel is a team of three psychologists, specialists, respectively, in paranoia, pseudologia fantastica (pathological lying) and narcissistic personality disorder, to help steer panelists in their prodding.

Finally, there’s the panel of 17 judges. Not jurists from the government’s politically-tainted judiciary, but women and men from throughout world history who've proven themselves to be, above all, genuine, thinking, feeling, fair-minded human beings. Folks celebrated for their integrity, representing a range of fields including both liberal- and conservative-leaning politicians, many from eras before politics became the toxically divisive, win-at-all-costs culture that spawned a creature like Trump.

They are: Marcus Aurelius, Cincinnatus, Mahatma Ghandi, Marie Curie, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Václav Havel, Rosalyn Carter, Pope Francis, Michelle Obama, David Attenborough, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, the Dalai Lama, Malala Yousafzai,Yo-Yo Ma and Greta Thunberg.

The judges panel’s vote will account for one-half of the verdict, the other half to be decided by the worldwide popular vote.

THE TRUTH WILL OUT
Before Stewart can even begin his questioning, Trump launches the expected tirade of threats. His airbrushed-orange face turns a color quite close to purple. The veins in his neck swell, and flecks of spittle fly from his kissy-lips mouth and settle on the polished table in bubbly little spots.

Calmly, Stewart reaches out and taps the big red button for the first time, sending a jolt of excruciating pain into the witness’s feet. The president grimaces, but continues his hissy fit. “That’s fine,” cautions Stewart, “we have all day,” as he now presses and holds the button down.

Once the witness quiets down, Stewart tries again. Now, he knows not to ask the questions in ways Trump can evade or answer vaguely. So they’re well crafted, very specific:

• Mr. Trump, how many women have you sexually abused?
• What did you or your father have to do to “facilitate” your admission to the New York Military Academy, Fordham and Penn/Wharton?
• What were your approximate grade point averages at each of those schools?
• What percentage is your real net worth of the $10 billion you claim?
• What are you hiding in your tax returns? (Follow-up: No, not just how financially unsuccessful you’ve been, but the bribes and hush money you’ve paid, and the payments you’ve received from foreign governments. And the actual amounts you’ve donated to legitimate charitable organizations.)
• What novels have you read in the past few months? Ever?
• Who are your heroes?
• Which do you hate more: Immigrants, Blacks or Jews?
• Name any three countries in Africa.
• What would you consider just punishment for someone who, by his willful ignorance, poor judgement, reckless behavior and utter incompetence has cost—or will end up costing—millions and millions of human beings their lives?
• What is the root cause of your sexual inadequacy?

Just for fun, there are also a few trick questions, designed to utterly baffle the buffoon, like “Have you cancelled the contract stipulating that Melania remain with you and keep silent?”

   The judges agree on a merciful punishment...
   just denial of the tools and weapons the 
   defendant employed in his commission of 
   the crimes.

EXCRUCIATING MERCY
During the interrogation, it’s assumed Trump will lie. So, after each of his initial replies, Steward just automatically zaps his feet for a second. The questions are repeated. This time, after each reply, the answer is quickly reviewed by the reporters panel, which then rules on its truthfulness.

Each answer deemed false, even partially, is met with a three-second shock to the butterball’s tender feet. The question’s repeated, and if not truthfully answered, triggers another shock, this time for five seconds. Then ten, fifteen, and so on until the truth—the real truth as determined by the panel—comes out.

The grilling continues for nearly two hours. When it’s over Trump is confined to a small room with no windows, and no electronic devices, denying him the opportunity to see or react in any way to the worldwide airing of his answers and the deluge of votes coming in from around the world.

The verdict by both the in-house panel and the people of the world is decisive: guilty on all charges. The news travels in seconds, and celebrations break out in cities, towns and villages around the globe. Even the print media makes the outcome their lead stories, topped with banner headlines: Trump Guilty!, Trump Shamed, Trump’s Lies Catch Up to Him.

Finally, there’s the sentencing. As with any criminal, it’s not enough to simply extract the truth and convict. There’s also the matter of an appropriate penalty.

In the case of Donald S. Trump versus humanity, the panel of judges agrees on a merciful punishment. No jail time. No fine. No public shaming—beyond the global celebrations of his exposure. Just denial of the tools and weapons the defendant employed in his commission of the crimes. No iPhone, no laptop, no microphone, not even pen and paper. For the rest of his miserable little life.

Oh, and the permanent attachment of an ankle device, with camera, to monitor his every activity 24/7 and ensure his adherence to the communications ban.

Ah-h-h fantasy. How sweet it is!

#LeverageYourVote  #VoteFwd

NO UNCERTAIN TERMS – A Word-pairs Quiz for the Trump Era

I’ve been a student of words my whole life. I’ve made the choice of words, the arrangement of words, my career—as a marketing communications man, author and blogger.

I also think constantly about how to make sense of this overwhelmingly complex world and where we sit in history by categorizing, contrasting, analogizing.

So, here I am, four years into my struggle to understand the Trump debacle. And the more I try, the more deftly it eludes me how a sizable minority of my countrymen somehow trust—much less condone—this reality-show imbecile leading our country off a cliff.

CAN’T HELP MYSELF
I know I should be more charitable and eschew the divisiveness that marks this petty dictator’s reign, but as I let my wordsmith’s soul have its way, the divisions and the reasons behind them come into such sharp focus that they’re impossible to deny.

It all comes down to words—their meaning, their power and which of them feel comfortable in whose vocabularies.

And it helps explain why American politics under Trump have become so visceral. For these words represent much more than conservative or liberal bents, one candidate or another’s style, or simply favoring this policy or that. They represent deep-seated differences in who we are as individuals and as members of communities, from local to global.

In each of these word pairs, one word is, I believe, likely to hold great value and reveal the best instincts of one who might think, speak or live by that word. The other word is one that might hold great value and reveal the best instincts of someone living by that word.

TELLING WORDS
So here’s the quiz: Consider each word pair. Don’t worry if some pairs aren’t exact opposites. At first impression, without a moment’s thought, circle the word that most appeals to you.

Vision / Reverence
Utility / Invention
Insight / Investigation
Faith / Truth
Hope / Action
Continuity / Aspiration
Personal Growth / Income
Planning / Dreaming
Wonder / Resolution
Preparation / Foresight
Inclusion / Safety
Candor / Inspiration
Idealistic / Practical
Control / Empowerment
Liberty for all / Authority
Personal Liberty / Greater Good
Innocence / Discipline
Small-town / Multicultural
Opportunity / Security
Sharing / Asking
Responsibility / Freedom
Independence / Unity
Creativity / Building
Common Sense / Science
Cooperation / Individualism
Self-reliance / Charity
Conservation / Utilization
Reward / Risk
Reflection / Certainty
Practicality / Culture
Idealistic / Realistic
Respectful / Questioning
Generosity / Merit

   I’d wager that one’s choice of terms
   would prove a fairly accurate determinant
   of her or his political leanings in the
   current landscape.

Now, no changing your answers, okay? Notice how one term of each pair tends to be more concrete, honoring of the past, a sense of control, individual over societal liberty, and holding your “stuff” pretty close to your chest? And the other is perhaps a bit more abstract, oriented toward the future, the positive, the idealistic, the generous?

THE POINT
I’m sure some will say this little challenge simply inflames the polarity. Perhaps. But if the flames don’t cure the disease, at least they might shed some light on it. In fact, I’d wager that one’s choice of terms would prove a fairly accurate determinant of her or his political leanings in the current landscape.

ILLUSTRATION: Erzebet S

And, speaking of second terms, I would hope this exercise might serve to articulate the urgency of denying Donald J. Trump one of them.

Vote!

If you fear a future under the hand of this destructive, criminally incompetent, pretend president, turn that fear to resolve! Leverage your vote by contributing your money and/or time to organizations championing free and fair elections, especially voting by mail in this time of unprecedented challenges to in-person voting.

GET-OUT-THE-VOTE ORGANIZATIONS
   Vote Forward
     Let America Vote
       League of Women Voters
         American Civil Liberties Union

And think positive; conjure up the image of a Re-United States of America…under any functioning adult!

#LeverageYourVote  #VoteFwd

THE FOURTH HORSEMAN – Aim For the Plump One With the Tiny Hands

Here we are, mired in a compound national crisis of historic proportions. It’s occurring on four fronts.

First, there’s the COVID 19 pandemic, which promises to challenge the devastating 1918 Spanish flu pandemic for its worldwide death toll. The U.S. is, through our shameful inaction, soaring past the rest of the world in both cases and deaths.

Then there’s the generation-defining paroxysm of outrage and self-examination over systemic racism, rekindled by the indefensible Memorial Day killing of George Floyd by Minneapolis police—a reaction fed in part by the fears and frustrations of the pandemic.

Third, if we can even pretend to one day gain the upper hand on the both of these afflictions, our worries will be far from over. We’ll still have to face the dire threat of global climate change. The impact on lives, health, economies, cannot be overstated—and it’s already occurring.

Finally, as if that weren’t enough, while all three of these calamities threaten the security and the very lives of every single American, we find ourselves struggling to face any of them, gasping in a suffocating vacuum of national leadership. Oh, and did I mention the Trumpublicans’ continuing, full-on assault on democratic institutions?

      Others have had to step up and show us
      the way, kicking aside the shattered pieces
      of American exceptionalism.

THE ENVY OF NO ONE
So here we sit, those we wish would lead so consumed in their hubris that they no longer see beyond the reach of their own thieving grasp. So jealously hunched over what they insist is theirs to possess, that they see not, care not, that the states and the rest of the world—even places these ugly Americans love to diminish—have had to step up and show us the way, kicking aside the shattered pieces of American exceptionalism.

Leading the heroic effort to get ahead of COVID 19, cooperating to at least try saving the planet, delegitimizing hatred, reclaiming truth, defending freedom, fostering a vision of peace, love and happiness…all are opportunities our gutless, amoral president and his republican enablers have pointedly refused to seize.

These now represent ideals our country can no longer pretend to espouse. Values that, for nearly two-and-a-half centuries, have distinguished the United States of America, and stood as the envy of the rest of the world.

       It’s a mistaken idea of liberty as the right
       to do what ever they want…period.

THE FOOLS-GOLD EMPIRE
Here we sit, abandoned by our own president, who, having sold his soul to the devil by the time he was ten, still prizes wealth above wisdom, loyalty above respect, rumor above reality, the approval of dictators above the honor of his nation.

And his equally soulless disciples keep begging to be in on the deal, cheering on the hate and intolerance they’d inflict themselves if they thought they could get away with it. Howling for a piece of his vapid, fools-gold empire.

All so they can enjoy their mistaken idea of liberty as the right exclude anyone not like them and simply do whatever they want…period.

A FUNCTIONING ADULT
Of these four desperate crises, three will require years, perhaps even decades, of smart, vision-driven work. There will be more heart-rending sacrifices. And staggering investments.

The fourth disaster, the hijacked presidency of the United States, begs for a much easier resolution (and thank God this remedy has not yet fallen victim to the republican party’s wrecking ball approach to our Constitution): The presidential election just four months hence.

       It will not be enough for us democrats to
       simply get to the polls on election day.

Though I appreciate the lawn signs I’ve been seeing which read: “Any Functioning Adult - 2020,” we do have a better alternative than that to oust the man who’s brought America to its knees. Former Senator and Vice President Joe Biden, while he has his flaws, is still a capable, accomplished public servant, and, perhaps even more important right now, a genuine, thinking, caring…yes…functioning adult.

With the all-but-certain interference of Russia and other adversaries in the November election, and the republicans’ dogged efforts at voter suppression, it will not be enough for us democrats to simply get to the polls on election day.

Each one of us who cares about this country’s true, time-honored values must find a way to leverage our own power of the vote and convince at least one or two others who might not yet know which side they’re on, or who are considering not voting at all, TO VOTE!

• Talk to people.
• Write letters through VoteForward, the organization mobilizing a massive, ten-million-letter, get-out-the-vote mail blitz right before election day.
• Join up with the League of Women Voters, Let America Vote, Fair Fight or another fair-voting advocacy group.
• Inform older or more vulnerable family members and acquaintances about easy alternatives to in-person, at-the-polls voting.
• Do something!

 Please! We may not yet have a whole lot of power over COVID 19, and it could well take a generation to quash congenital racism or mitigate climate change, but for the small-hand, small-mind, big-ego traitor now infecting the presidency, there is a timely, sure-fire cure.

VOTE…and help others to vote.